I reviewed your bible a little to see what story came next in your book. I thought it best to try to stick to the order that your book chooses to tell things, making it easier to compare. As I was reviewing I was amazed at what you have to endure to get through the bible. Take Noah and the Ark for example there is an entire chapter devoted to explaining whom begat who, and how many years they lived. I mean I know what it is but I’m just surprised that it’s considered as holy writ. It does enable writers an easy way to introduce character in their story, but personally I think it’s a very poor way of introducing characters in the story. That’s right, story. If you think that my father flooded this entire world as a sort of spring-cleaning because of wickedness, then you are in for some eye opening realism. I mean, yes, there was a flood but it didn’t happen exactly like the bible says.
I feel now is a perfect time to explain something about the whole creation process, which I sort of failed to mention earlier. It was a post creation addition that Dad sanctioned after Adam and Eve got kicked out of the Garden. Some of the other Gods were a little interested with all the press the earth was getting and wanted a piece of the publicity.
It is important to realize that there is more than just one God. All you have to do is look at the earth and you can see just a small fraction of the gods that are out in the universe. You might wonder how so many gods ended up with a presents on the earth if Pops and his followers were the ones that made the earth. See what happened was that after Dad had the little problem with me, and then Adam and Eve, He started getting a lot of flack from some of His god buddies. All of them had plenty of advice for the old man, so He invited them to have a go at the whole thing. The one rule they has to follow was they had to stick to the blueprints for making humans, but they were invited to put their own people on earth and see how they fended based on a specific god’s specific belief system. The plan was to eventually compare notes and devise the best plan for then next time they create a world for human type creatures.
It started out as a good idea, but once the humans were left to their own devices things started getting ugly. Sure gods don’t like it when their people started converting to other religions, but rarely do they attempt to kill the insubordinates. Sure some gods kill their followers all the time and no one really bat’s an eye, but if one of your followers converts and then you kill them…well, that means you now have someone to answer to. Also, the way the whole system works is that whatever god you believe in when you die is where you end up going. The game of converting souls was the result of a friendly poker game that got a little to competitive. Pop and all the other gods that had a presents on the earth got together to compare notes on how things were going and Loki showed up with a deck of cards. You add an excess of wine into the equation and eventually some god trying to be funny makes a suggestion that maybe they should starting betting followers. Then some other drunk god laughs, says what a brilliant idea it is, and about two poker hands later the entire lot start betting souls. The only hang up what that the only way a god could get another gods soul would be if that person converted. And that’s what happened, the second the first soul was bet the world became an open market for all the gods to peddle their existence to the people on the earth. Sometimes it worked and a god got the soul he won, but then again sometimes didn’t, you know the whole freedom of choice agency concept.
When Mom found out (bet you’ll never guess who told her) the weekly poker night and soul betting came to an abrupt stop, but the damage had been done. Faiths had been exposed to other faiths and humanity took over the conversion concept. So even after the gods quit betting souls, souls were still gained and lost on a daily basis, hell they still are. The humans took it to a whole new level though. Some followers have even tried to make genocide a practice in order to save the world from what they think are godless people or people who are following a false god. It’s sad, but some holy people have become immensely evil when they chose to believe they it is what their god would want instead of really finding out what their god wanted.
Some gods became sad with the state of humanity and how some “civilized” areas were more about death to non believes than life to believes, and if broke their hearts when it was their followers that were creating such suffering. Zeus and the gang quit playing after a while, they headed of to a new universe where they could start over and make things more to their style. Once the last of their followers die on earth and join Zeus in the afterlife, Zeus has stayed clear of the earth. They did have a good run while it lasted though, and in their time they did get quite a few souls. Others, because they didn’t want to loose any of their souls, just bagged the experiment and took all their souls elsewhere. The Aztecs are a prime example or this occurrence where entire civilizations just disappeared over night.
On a personal note, the ones I’m truly proud of are the souls that have made their own decisions to live their own lives without a god’s set of rules. These people are free after this life. They don’t have an afterlife to go to, but instead they have a life that keeps going. They get to go wherever they want and have no one to answer to but themselves. They can visit all their friends and make new ones as they continue on. I just hope that when you people wipe out the planet and cause your own extinction, that I’ll be able to get away like the few of you who already have. Noah on the other hand plays cribbage every Tuesday with Dad and loves every minute of it. To each there own I guess.
Before starting the story of Noah, I need to explain that the true story of this event is of great interest to me on a personal level. I am not really blamed directly in this story, but there is still some blame that is projected towards me in regards to the flood. The people were evil and needed to be destroyed. Yes, it is the classic bible plot there is and I think it might be the only plot the bible really has. The thing is, because I have been dubbed the father of all evil, the blame always seems to trickle down to me. This is how it usually breaks down:
1) The people were evil.
2) Why were the people evil?
3) Because the devil tempted them to do evil things.
I mean come on humanity, take a little credit for your own actions instead of always playing the victim. Seriously, the plethora of poorly thought out things humans have done and continue to do, I mean I could write a 7 volume set on just the evil doings that humans invented all by themselves during the 12th through 14th Centuries alone.
The main reason I’m writing about Noah and his little task is because he was a good friend of mine. We spent a lot of time hanging out, hiking, going to bars, and fishing. He was a genuine human being and the mythology surrounding his existence goes against the true man he was. I was not really involved in the story, it was mainly between Noah and my old man, but I was there keeping an eye on my friend and witnessed what really happened. I know Noah is quite disappointed about how his life and faith have been canonized. So as a favor to him and a supporter of truth, here is the story of Noah, what really happened.
