Noah’s story opens with the explanation of the downfall of man, which was, and has always been, women. At this point in your bible the males are referred to as the “sons of God” and the females are called the “daughters of men.” I find it curious myself, and you know darn good and well that this is something that is kept from Mom, because if she were to know, a serious amendment concerning all of the stories in the bible where women are responsible for so many wrongs would change over night. The biggest problem is that it’s a little difficult to convince all you believers anything to the contrary, even if God were to come down and personally explain it to you.
I guess my main point is that in my experience men are not sons of God. Ok, sure, in the afterlife sense, we are all sons and daughters of God, some sort of God anyway, but in reference to this chapter of Genesis, they are not. What you have is a bunch of horny boys who want to get to know the women in the area. And when I say “know”, I do mean that in the biblical sense of the word. The daughters were into the idea as well, but they did have a little more religious grounding than the boys did, which is how it’s always been. The women demanded marriage before “knowledge” was given, and oddly enough that still seems to be the standard for most faithfully Christian people today.
During this whole time I found it incredibly interesting at the amount of annoyance that Pops was going through. He saw all of His little ones behaving so badly, and this really pissed the old codger off. He began to discover that the agency policy that He set up in the beginning was going against Him. He wanted, expected, and demanded His earth dwellers to live by the guidelines that He had established, but they were not behaving according to plan. He even began to question His design for the veil of forgetfulness. Apparently He started thinking that the kids would behave better if they were allowed to remember everything that happened before hand. So what caused Him to stick to His plan? One of Dad’s biggest faults… his pride. Pops is, by far, the proudest individual I’ve ever seen.
The thing I love most about this whole Noah story is it shows that even God can fail once in a while. If you disagree, try looking at it like this: God had to start over. He kept the only righteous man He could find and then wiped out the rest of His people with a flood because they were not doing what they were told. When looking at it, it sounds like the all-powerful one failed and had to start over, doesn’t it? The best part is that He couldn’t do it the way he wanted, the flood I mean. Yes there was a flood, but it is nothing like the story in the bible. You want to know why Dad couldn’t flood the earth? All His god buddies vetoed him.
Honestly what choice did they have? For the most part their civilizations were going along just fine. Dad was the one having the most trouble at the moment. So the idea of them loosing all of their work and having to start over was something they were not interested in. And even though it’s not ever talked about, where was a lot of back talk concerning Pops and His “I’ll kill all who do not follow me” policy. If you wonder where that “I am a jealous God” bit comes from, this is a pretty good indicator. But the old man still thought starting over would work, and a flood was the best way to do it. So He put His plan in motion, and called up Noah.
Noah was an interesting chap, very calm and passive. This was particularly helpful in Dad’s plan. He needed a man who would do as he was told and not give a lot of flack in the process. Noah was barely a holy man. At the core, he was a nature buff, and loved everything about it. Because of this he would pray a couple times a day offering thanks to the one who created all that he loved. It was when Dad actually approached him that Noah started getting weird about religion. I think it had to do with the conflict of interests, but Noah was the type to take life as it came and went with what it gave him. In the simplest explanation as to why Noah built the ark, it came down to him loving being alive more than being dead.
I imagine anyone would have done what Noah did if they were put in the same situation. You’re off on you’re daily hike, up in the mountains, and you just get done thanking the creator for this land you see before you. You are not expecting an answer because you’ve haven’t asked any questions, but as soon as you get up this huge billowing voice starts talking to you.
Want to know something that is never mentioned in your bible? Noah was so startled when Pops spoke to him, he actually wet himself. It took Dad a moment or two to gain His composure and avoid laughing out loud at Noah. Then came the first part of the most heart-wrenching thing Noah would ever hear and, along with that, agree to partake in.
Because Noah was such a nature buff, he was more than a little concerned when he was told that the world he knew was going to be drowned, washed away, and to be no more. For a man who loved his surroundings as much as he did wanted to know if he could do something to save the forests. The old man said there was. He needed Noah to collect seeds of all the plants in the area. This was a task that Noah could enjoy. He would spend hours walking around the wilderness with a smile on his face collecting seeds of all the plants and trees in the land. He had this confused notion that by collecting these seed’s he would be heading some agricultural event responsible for planting a new forest or something to that effect. But then came the part of Pops plan where he introduced the idea of building the ark. The poor boy was not ready for this. Pops didn’t even get to the flooding portion of the plan. All Noah knew was what trees would have to be killed to make the boat, and he was not ready to cut down trees.
Noah argued that they were innocent and did not deserve such treatment. It was here that Pops learned a very important lesson; never send a hippy to do a contractor’s job. Dad tried a number of ways to motivated Noah to do his will. There’s a procedure, a rhythm, no, a format that he follows. It a fascinating thing to watch unfold. To see the big man deteriorate to the point where all forms of professionalism are reduced to simple threats.
Pops always begins with laying down the guidelines that He expects others to do for Him. I guess you could describe it as a sort of parent / child relationship. But the problem with this is that kids rarely do what their parents ask them to do. Oddly enough, once humans learned this dynamic, parents have felt the need to continue this process giving their kids the opportunity to do as they ask. Even if the parents themselves would have never freely done the task what they are asking their kids when they were their own kids age.
After simply asking the kids to do something they don’t want to do (and in the end won’t do), guilt becomes the next motivational tactic. The “Do this because you love me.” motivation is very effective, which can be used at a number of different levels. After a week passed from Pops initial request that Noah build an ark He located Noah and had the “guilt” conversation with him. The exchange consisted of, “Noah, do you love this world?”
To which he replied, “Sure I do.”
“And you give thanks for all the trees and nature every day, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Well, did you know I’m responsible for this beautiful world that you love?”
“I remember hearing some thing about that when I was little.”
“Noah, because of your love to me and this world, which I have created, I need you to do something for me and for the world. I need you to build an ark, like I talked to you about last week. Don’t you want to help me and this world you love so much?”
And thus the guilt trip started. The problem with this strategy is that it gets people moving, but they have a tendency to move very slowly. The reason for this is that you know you’ve been guilted into doing something you really didn’t want to do, but if you stop you’ll get the whole guilt thing again. Completion through repetitious pestering is what I choose to call it. I’ve noticed that people who are at the receiving end of the guilt motivation have a tendency to whisper a good deal of profanity while they are working.
Well, being a man who doesn’t like to cause contention, Noah worked away, but at a very slow pace, and Pops was starting to get a touch annoyed by the time it was taking to get the ark built. For the record Noah was collecting and gathering supplies, but had still not cut down any trees yet, which brings us to the next step in the motivation sequence, the light threat.
The light threat is a sort of art form, which, if done correctly, gets people to work a touch faster than the guilt tactic, and can cause paranoia in the worker. It works like this, the threater, in this case God, approaches the threatie, i.e. Noah, and tells him that He has been noticing the amount of time its taking to begin building the arc. Then Pops asked, “What is taking so long? You don’t even have any wood yet.”
Noah, in a bit of a worried tone, explained, “Well, you see, it not that…I mean I have some wood. I found a few dead trees lying in the forest. Over there, see?”
Pops looked at trees and looked back at Noah, “Four old dried out trees? Four! You were supposed to start building two days ago and all you have is four trees that you can’t use!”
“I’ve been waiting for my carpenter friend to finish a kitchen job he’s doing. He said once he’s done I could borrow his tools which will make the who building process go a lot faster.”
“You don’t have your own tools?”
“Yeah, that would be idea, but I don’t have the money for all of that stuff. How do I get what I need when I have no means to get them myself, other than rely on friends?”
Pops has this habit of asking things of His followers without offering any helpful assistance. He has this mindset where if He simply talks to you then He is doing you a favor, and if He asks you to do something you are obligated to do what ever He asks with no questions, and to top it all off you are fiscally responsible for the whole cost of the project no matter the size or cost. Noah couldn’t afford to hire a building crew let alone a set of tools to cut down a tree to start building God’s boat all by himself. Still, the old man expected him to do it willingly, pick up the tab, and do it with a smile on his face, which, I’m sorry, just isn’t the human way. And here’s where the light threat comes into play. Pops told Noah that all he had to do was take out a 2nd and 3rd mortgage on his house to get the funds for everything he needed.
“Look at it this way, I know you house insurance so you can either get the mortgage or, since the flood will destroy it anyway, I can create a situation in which you can collect that insurance money very soon to use to start building my boat!” Then He added, “If you haven’t started purchasing any supplies to build the ark by the end of the week, your house is gone.”
An hour later Noah was in the bank, filling out the paper work for a second and third mortgage. I’m sure there are some people that think that taking a second and third mortgage on their house with the knowledge what the bank and the person giving them the loan would be destroyed before you even made your first payment would be a somewhat joyful experience, but Noah didn’t feel right about it. He felt that this “God” person was asking him to go against his principles and do something dishonest, so he went back home to think about the whole situation. It was the motivation that his house would be destroyed by the end of the week and his family would be homeless that got him to finally sign the forms. It was 3:47 PM on Thursday afternoon that Noah handed in the paperwork and got money for the ark. Directly after which he went out and bought two bottles of wine and a hammer, just to prove to God, when He showed up Friday morning that he had started to purchase supplies.
The next day when the old man showed up and found a hung over Noah, a hammer and a small sack of nails, He got a little pissed. This is where the serious threat comes into place. The true motivationer in any deity originated task. The final step in the sequence of divine motivation is, “Do what I tell you or I will kill you, your family, and your family’s family, and then I’ll get someone else to do it.” And you know what? That always seems to work…even if you have a hangover and are still a little tipsy. Noah didn’t even have time to get a cup of coffee before the Old Man laid into him. Phrases like, “Don’t you know who I am…”, and “I should just burn the whole damn lot of you…”, to “Worthless, no good, free loading kids…” were common throughout the two hour reprimand. The Pops ended with “Now you either have this ship started by Wednesday or you and you’re entire family are dead, and I’ll start with the children so you can watch them all die one at a time. Now get to work!” And with that, a very sober Noah was highly motivated to build an ark and fast as he could, no matter the cost.
