Noah went out after his friendly little chat with the Grand One and got the paper work done with one of the bigger contractors in town. First thing Monday, Jim and his crew showed up at Noah’s ready to build an ark. Noah ended up getting a forth mortgage so he could give the crew a little more incentive to work on only his project. He also started purchasing animals from the local zoo. I hope you don’t actually think he went out and collected two of each animal? I figure we better get this clarified right now.
One of the biggest problems with this story in your bible is that it gives so many specifics about how the boat was to be built, the size, the dimensions, what it was to be made out of. Then, to top it all off, this very specific sized boat was supposed to house two of every living animal on the planet. If you actually take the time to do the math you’ll easily begin to see that this story is the end result of what happens when monks get bored copying the entire bible by hand and start composing their own “I caught a fish this big” type renditions of the original stories to, “Keep things interesting.” I believe was the official explanation for this one. This is the case with all stories in your book, some truth accompanied by a lot of bored and/or drunk monk story telling.
For the record, Noah did not get two of each animal. It’s not possible, even if the old man was in charge of the project, it would not have made any sense for Noah to sail to Australia and pick up all the wallabies, kangaroos, Tasmanian devils (actually only found on the island of Tasmania) and then sail all over the world to the different regions that house all of the animals that are indigenous to only a specific place in the world, and have them back to the ark in time for the flood of Israel to begin. Seriously, this makes no sense at all. Noah was able to secure a few slots on the boat for his 2 dogs, his wife’s cat, 13 sheep, a cow for milk, 2 ducks, 1 pregnant rat (not on purpose), a colony of termites due to some infected wood, and 1 lama, which he got from the zoo. All of the rest of the animals made it to higher ground and were fine once the rain started. It really is not that difficult to realize, and that this story is more fiction than fact once you take the supposedly written facts in the bible and compare them with the reality of what this story entails. They just don’t fit.
But before the animals were placed on the boat, before the rain began, before the construction was far from complete, there are a few things that are never discussed or even talked about concerning Noah. During the creation of the boat Noah spent all of his days and all of his evenings hide from the sight of the public. This it true, Noah camped out in a cave located about a mile and a half due east from this house, surrounded by the trees and nature he loved so much. I want to say the only reason for this was because he could not stand to see all of those dead trees being used to fashion something that he was responsible for, but this is only partially true. Noah had a very serious problem throughout this entire event that is never talked about. And it was this reason that he had to stay out of sight until the boat was complete and the rainstorm was beginning. That reason was what he affectionately referred to as “honey”. Yep, the serious problem was, in fact, his wife.
