Hagar used the first few days to observe Abram and Saria. To see what angle she could use that would work best to her advantage. Hagar also had Abram teach her all about his god so she could spend more time with him and get a better understanding on what connection Abram had to this god fellow, and what kind of deals had been made. One thing she noticed was the lack of physical contact between Abram and Saria. She saw them kiss, but noticed that they always slept in separate beds, even if the beds were right next to each other. There was a reoccurring irritation of Lot that Hagar was also trying to deal with. As much as the boy tried to stay clear of his old artist days, there was something about Hagar that kept him thinking about nude paintings. He began to hover around Hagar, making it difficult for her to do her job. Finally, after about a month of dealing with Lot, Hagar suggested to Abram that if he were to send Lot in a different direction, then they could reach twice as many people as before, thus spreading the news of Abram’s god twice as fast. Abram thought this was a pretty good idea. With Hagar’s knowledge of the surrounding lands, she recommended that Lot head to Sodom and Gomorrah. It was one of the bigger cities in the area and she thought Lot could do a lot of good there. Abram took a few days to think it over, but eventually conceded to have Lot leave the party and travel with his wealth and entourage to Sodom and Gomorrah and to teach the people of their god.
Initially Lot was a touch hurt that he was no longer wanted, but after it was explained to him the amount of trust god had placed on him by letting Lot go and teach the people on his own, he felt a lot better. Three days later, Lot took his portion of the wealth he got from the pharaoh and headed off to Sodom and Gomorrah.
With Lot now gone, Hagar continued her observation of Abram and Saria. One key thing she noticed that just didn’t seem to sit right was their lack of physical interaction. She started mixing a little fermented fruit in with the occasional fruit salad or mango salsa, and it did seem to help Saria open up when Hagar started asking questions. The fact that Saria and Abram had never consummated their marriage is the most baffling thing Hagar had ever heard. It was from that information that Hagar knew what she had to do, and it was not just for the deal she made with RA, or the proverbial slap in the face of some ego mad god that would solidify her name into the history of the world. It was for her irrevocable belief in humanities right to partake and enjoy the self producing divinity of the orgasm. She now had a plan, a righteous and magnificent plan. With all the knowledge Hagar had acquired in her life, one of them was the wisdom of fragrance and how certain smells affect the chemistry of the body and mind. She spent a few days preparing and by the end of the weekend she was ready to go.
Abram and Saria were enjoying their new found popularity, and thanks to the pharaoh’s messengers who had gone on ahead of them, they were being welcomed at every door step. It was easy for Abram and company to stay in one small village for a week or two at a time due to all the dinner parties in their honor. The true joy of the people came from Hagar visiting their village. The dinner parties were all in her honor, but masked as an invite to Abram and Saria. The gratitude towards Abram and Saria was very genuine because it was they who brought Hagar to their town. Likewise was the sadness at seeing Abram and Saria go, because they were taking Hagar with them.
Interestingly enough, during this time Abram and Saria never once stopped to ask of guidance from their god. Not that it would have done any good. See, after the little “joke” He played on Ra, pops headed out of town, er, galaxy for what He claimed was a little r and r, but mainly it was to hide out and to trying to let Ra calm down so he wouldn’t to anything rash. Besides when you pull an asshole move like Pops did, the other gods are going to think of you as a bit of a prick for a while. Fortunately for Pops, since most gods in general suffer from A.D.D. by the time Pops had forgotten why He was away, most the other gods had forgotten what a shit He was. Ra was very aware of this and knew that Hagar had at least four months before Pops came back and noticed the guy He set up for instant death was alive and in the heart of Egypt. This was a very generous estimate considering Pops is overwhelmingly proficient at fluttering from one thing to the next. When Pops is out and about it could be years before He comes back, because something happened to catch His interest. It’s usually a message from Mom instructing Him to get he arse home that reminds Him it’s time to get home.
After a month of observation and lovely dinner parties Hagar decided it was time to begin her plot. It started on the fifth Sunday after they had left the pharaoh’s palace. Using some of the special herbs she brought with her, Hagar had everyone asleep by 9 p.m. She then went and lay next to Abram, whispering things into his ear for about two hours. After this she went to Saria’s bed and whispered things into Saria’s ear for an hour. Starting the next day, Hagar and her assistances began wearing cloths that were designed to taunt a male’s libido. Now add to this was the occasional, and purely accidental flash of extra skin where clothes should have been. It didn’t take long for Abram to starting noticing things about the women surrounding him that he had, for some reason, never noticed before. Saria even began to wear clothing that was a touch more revealing as well, at Hagar’s gentle suggestions telling her that they were the newest and most sought after styles that year.
Abram began waking up very early and spending a lot of time in the river before he would get his days going. Some days he would take some extra time to get out of bed, even though he was wide awake. Other days he would wear an extra robe even though it was sunny and warm. Hagar spent more and more time in the company of Abram and Saria, getting them to confide in her and developing a trusting relationship with her, where they would tell her things they felt they could not tell others.
Abram confided to Hagar that he was having these physical ailments that would randomly plague him and the most inopportune times. He was not sure what was causing it or what to do about it, but it seemed to come and go on a whim. Also, the longer it lasted the more painful it became. Soaking in cool water seemed to help out at times, but when it happened it was publically apparent that he had some sort of physical deformity. He asked if there was something she knew had heard of this type of curse before and if there was a remedy he could take to make it go away. Hagar told him, “I do know of a cure, but it will take a few days to get things ready.”
It was the next day that the perfect opportunity presented itself to push Abram over the edge. Saria was taking her Thursday bath with the assistance of some of Hagar’s helpers. Hagar was with Abram discussing his problem when she was notified by Carol, Hagar’s assistant, that things were ready. Hagar took the very unaware Abram by the hand and led him over to the river. It was timed beautifully, just as they came over a small embankment Saria rouse out of the water. Abram was so stupefied by what he saw that all he could do is stand and stare and become “plagued”. Saria a little shocked to see her husband standing before her froze for a second then turned around and jumped back into the water. The splash brought Abram back to his surroundings, turned bright red and ran back to his tent.
I don’t know exactly what happened next. Some things are meant to stay behind closed doors. I did to get some information from Hagar, but she was never one to discuss such events. What I do know is that Hagar took Carol, one of her assistants, to Hagar’s tent and then went to Abram’s tent to invite him to visit with her in his tent. Abram agreed and all three met in Hagar’s tent for some formal introductions and education. Hagar did not emerge from the tent until the young prophet of god had learned a few things about this “plague,” such as what caused it and what made it go away, and this is where things began to change. It was about three hours later that Carol left the tent. About an hour later Abram appeared at the evening fire to get some food and to drink a lot of water.
As a result Abram developed an urge to dress less and strut more. Saria noticed that when her husband had a tan, or in other words spent time without a shirt on, she had a tendency to look at him more and more. During this time Abram continued taking liberties on Carol and anyone else willing to be liberated. Hagar intentionally forgot to explain to Abram the one of the key possible outcomes of “plague” purging was end result of making babies. When Hagar asked Abram about he and Saria having a family he explained how they had tried for years, but with no success. Unfortunately he did not conceive what conceiving was during the years where he though they had been attempting to conceive. When Hagar talked to Saria about her and Abram having a family, she confided that she was not 100% sure of the actual process and assumed that they were doing something incorrectly, but had been afraid to admit that she didn’t know for sure.
It was during the fourth month of Abram’s “awakening” or “plague purging”… you know, we’re all adults here, let’s just call it what it was…four months into Abram’s sexual awakening Carol began to appear a bit larger in the belly. Abram found himself being a bit put off because Carol was his main source of exploration and she was recently putting on some weight and no longer “in the mood.”
Hagar kept Carol well concealed and took care of her during the pregnancy. She also had a number of conversations with Saria about children and having a family. Saria did confess that she’d like to try being a mom. “Oh I’d like to try it. I’ve always wanted to be a mom.” she told Hagar.
“Would you be willing to try it out?” asked Hagar.
“I would, it’s just, as you know, we’ve never been blessed with any?”
“But you did recently fulfill God’s request for you. I’m sure that you will soon be rewarded.” said Hagar. She then left Saria and went to find Abram.
She found him sitting at the evening fire. She needed to get Abram starting to think about the how he was to be a father of many nations, which mean he’d have to start fathering soon.
“Abram, if you are to fulfill the Lord’s promise to you, you are going to need to become a father, many, many times.” explained Hagar. “This also means that Saria will need to become a mother.”
“But we can’t, our lips have touched many times while we have been in darkness and she and never once, over many years, conceived.” said Abram. And there it was the innocent naïveté of a, until very recently, virgin explaining the process of conceiving children as it was explained to him many years ago.
Hagar took a few moments doing her best to avoid from giggling at him. Once recomposed she told Abram that she was sure that Saria could have children, but it had not been the right time before. “God has kept you both barren until you were both ready.”
“Your think so?”
“I do.” assured Hagar. “You could have never fulfilled His plan in Egypt had you any children.”
This made a lot of sense to Abram. Hagar then told him that she was sure their period of being barren would soon come to an end. “But in the mean time,” she instructed, “go to Saria and talk gently to her. Tell her you love her and how much you want to have a family with her. If you both want to kiss, then practice kissing. That way you will be ready when it the time comes that your blessings will begin.”
Ten minutes later he was in his tent talking to Saria about love and family and fulfilling the Lords promise to them. In the middle of professing his love to her Abram became aware that the only thing he could think about was the image of Saria coming out of the water. Abram stopped mid sentence, and then told her he need to go for a swim. But added that he looked forward to the day when they would start a family.
As Abram swam in the chilled water the image of his wife remained in the front of his mind. It frozen there and as the day and weeks proceeded anytime he would caress her arm or hold her close and kiss her, well he stopped holding her so close due to rising emotions. He stayed with her as long as he could stand it and then would excuse himself for a little while and then return.
The new surge of attention Saria was receiving from Abram along with the repetition of the words “our family” caused Saria to begin pursuing Hagar’s offer to experience child bearing. Hagar talked to Carol about her plan, wanting to know if it would be ok if Saria were to lead, only for a little while, in raising her child when it was born. Hagar promised Carol that if she did this, her child would be watched over and blessed by two different gods, Ra would do it out of gratitude and Abram’s god would do it out of godly obligation. Hagar also guaranteed that she would have the baby back in two months tops and would be Saria’s personal child care assistant, so she would always be with her child and would be in charge of feeding the child. Carol agreed to the plan and about three weeks later, she gave birth to a boy. In the bible this child is referred to as Hagar’s. The reason is because she was the one who set up the whole situation. Hagar kept telling Abram and Hagar that the child want her to protect Carol from any jealous misdeeds if it came to light that Abram was the little bastards real father. Two weeks after the child was born, both he and Carol had moved into Saria’s personal quarters so Saria could begin playing mom. When Abram heard that Saria was caring for a child he went to investigate. The little tike had a bit of an infectious personality and Abram and Saria fell in love with the boy and the experience there were having from playing house, er, family. This only made Saria more desirous to have her own child to share with her husband. Saria approached Hagar and shared her desire for a child of her own.
As a result, Hagar agreed to share the secret of children conception. She told Saria that the conception process was hit and miss and that it would take trying over and over again to make it happen.
“Whatever it takes,” said Saria, “I’ll do it. I want a family.”
Hagar smiled, and then as delicately as she could began to explain the act required for getting pregnant. As Saria was told about the process, she started out a little confused, which soon turned into horror once she got a clear visual of what needed to take place. Once Saria calmed down a bit Hagar started to describe the pleasure that could come from such and act, not to mention that if one chose to they could use the act as a very powerful tool of negotiation and influence. This helped Saria move from thoughts of horror to an intense curiosity about it. Saria was confused how such an act could be a pleasant experience, but even more so how such an odd act would give her greater influence over Abram. Hagar told her that she would learn as she went and that if she truly wanted children, she now knew what needed to be done.
After only 3 days of Saria’s own imagination coupled with the nightly whisperings Hagar gave her while she slept, she had made a firm decision that this was something she needed to find out about for herself, and that she did. In fact when she and Abram finally took the plunge the caravan stopped moving from town to town for two weeks. All of the repetitious tries resulted in the conception that would be known as Harry, but for aesthetic reasons was recorded as Isaac in your bible. Once Saria discovered she was pregnant, Carol’s child was returned to her.
Shortly after this Hagar sent for me. I didn’t even pack my bags. I was on the road in less than ten minutes. When I showed up Hagar told me that things were going well, but for the next part of her plan she needed a little help. She needed me to get my old man back to the vicinity of Earth so that He could see what was going on. I told her I’d do what I could, but turns out I didn’t need to do a thing. Mom had beaten me to it.
