Dear Roy

This is a public service that I am offering to anyone that feels compelled to take the time and ask me a question. Feel free to ask me whatever, and I’ll publish those questions here. Probably not all questions, but the ones that seem worth answering. So, if you have a question, please feel free to send me an e-mail at:

AccordingToRoy@hotmail.com.

Or, if you want, you can leave a comment and I’ll reply there.

Be well and safe journeys.

~Roy

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8 responses to “Dear Roy

  1. accordingtoroy

    from Jim
    August 26, 2008 at 7:50 pm

    Dear Roy…
    I’ve always wondered if you were well represented when it came to the scriptures. I’m happy to see that you’re finally setting the record straight. Sorry for all the bad press you’ve gotten over the years. Just one question though…are you a Red Socks fan or do you prefer the Yankees?

    Roy’s Reply
    Baseball eh? I’ll be honest, I’m not much of the sporting fan type. Besides, baseball is, at its origin, a very cruel practice. Back in the day when the bible was still being invented and barbaric practices such as stoning people to death were a common part of every day life, and on some levels a social event to meet your friends at, some marketing bloke came up with an idea to make the whole thing more entertaining to the public. They started giving the stoney (i.e. the person to be stoned) a stick so that they could defend themselves from all of the stoners (i.e. the people throwing the stones). This never stopped the stoney from dying due to excessive blunt force head trauma from a the barrage of rocks being thrown at them. The stick only gave the stoney a sense of false hope and allowed the audience to tire the stoney out before his ultimate and inevitable bloody, gory death. This change did draw larger audiences to the stoning events through, which is exactly what the vendors wanted.

    So in picking between the Red Socks or the Yankees, I’ll have to make my decision based purely on word association. To me the word Yankee is more of a political label that is part of America’s unfortunate past. You know the whole, “You a Yankee or a Confederate?” Granted, Yankee has a more positive connotation and is the best choice for a team name between the Yankees or Confederates. I mean, a team named the “(Some city name) Confederates” would be a little like saying “I support racism and bigotry in the USA and agree that all stereo-types are 100% accurate and true” without actually having that slogan printed on their shirts. Still, the name Yankee does carry with it a segregation connotation even if what they stood for was unity and equality. Weird huh? Oddly enough, while going through this in my head as I am typing it out, the only negative thing about the word Yankee is its association to the word Confederate.

    As for the Red Socks, when I think about the words Red Socks it just appears that someone is working on their fashion sense, and I, for one, am a firm supporter of people willing to wear red socks to enhance the festive ensemble that they might be wearing that day. I do appreciate red shoes more than red socks, but based on the choices that Jim offered, I’m going to have to go with the Red Socks.

    ~Roy

  2. accordingtoroy

    from Jake
    August 27, 2008 at 1:55 pm

    So do you really represent the majority of the governments?

    Roy’s Reply
    Short Answer:
    No.

    Long Answer:
    Well Jake, there are two schools of thought on this one…uh, better make that three… no four schools of thought. Let me think…yeah four should cover it.

    First, there is your opinion on what others have said about me, and your opinion on the government you think I am apart of. Meaning that if you believe what others have said about me and if the government you are looking at is challenging what you believe to be correct, good, and righteous, or something of that sort, then yes, according to your belief structure, I do represent that government.

    Second, there is the other person’s opinion based on what others have said about me, and their opinion on the government you are apart of. Meaning that if someone believes what others have said about me and if your government is challenging what they believe to be correct, good, and righteous, or something of that sort, then yes, according to their belief structure, I do represent your government. In short, they are exactly like you, except that they believe something different than you do.

    Third, we have the atheists that believe that I am a fictional character. Therefore, there is no point trying to link me as any type of influence to anything, including governments and/or political parties. They think that doing so would be is a lot like masturbating with an oven mitt… slightly amusing, but mostly painful. Instead they just rant about people that do actually try to blame me for things, which can often result in the use of a great deal of profanity.

    Then finally we have the truth from me, about me. And the truth is a resounding, “Hell no!” Politics, as a general rule of thumb, make me feel dirty all over, and not in the good way. So I try to stay clear of all governments, if at all possible. I usually try to live in the place least likely to get bombed or invaded. So, yeah, you could say I’ve moved around a lot.

    What I’ve discover about governments during my tenure on this planet is that people represent themselves, in some governments they are suppose to represent the people, but this does not always happen. People represent who and what they are. Sometimes people are about making a change and that change makes things better, but only for some. People like to label things, and if a change goes along with what they believe, then “Praise god.”

    Sometimes a change makes things worse, and if it does, there are those people that choose to believe I had something to do with it. But then again, whether a chance is good or bad is always subjective. Some people will say a certain change is good and from god, and someone else will look at the same change and say that it is bad and thus, my fault. It’s all a matter of perspective really.

    For the record, I’ve never had anything to do with the death of innocent people, or any people for that matter. This includes the any war that has ever taken an innocent life… so, you know, all of them. I’m not a big fan of killing people; I never have been, hence, why I was kicked out of heaven in the first place.

    ~Roy

  3. Rochie-Pooh

    So, what’s God like? he he he

    Roy’s Reply
    Rochie-Pooh,
    Eugene is a lot like anybody else. If you get along with him, he’s an alright bloke. If he likes you, he can be pretty cool. If he doesn’t like you, he’s pretty much a wanker, but He can be socially polite depending on how much he’s had to drink and if the Misses is there or not. And if he’s trying to get you to like him, he can be either a kiss ass or really, really nice, depending on his motives for why he wants you to like him.

    In short, he’s a lot like people are, you know, except for that whole God thing.

    ~Roy

  4. GIR

    I have a question. I heard a rumor that Pops liked to get a little crazy on Poker night when he and the other deities (Zeus, Apollo, etc) would skip out on their duties to drink, smoke and gamble. Is it true that Zeus challenged a tipsy Pops to find a rock he couldn’t lift? If so, how did that end?

    -GIR

    Roy’s Reply
    First off, how do you know about that. The first rule of poker night was that poker night was never supposed to be talked about. But then again they’re gods…and sense when do gods follow the rules. I know When Eugene knocked Ra out of a game of Texas Hold ‘Em by hitting a straight on the River to beat Ra’s pocket Kings after Ra went all in, yeah everyone heard about that for a week straight, even though none of us really knew what any of that ment.

    Vanity is a dominant god trait. I’ve never met a god that wasn’t at least a little vain, and most I’ve meet are excessively vain. And let me tell you, gods love to brag about themselves.

    As for the whole drunken Zeus challenging Eugene (Pops) to find a rock that he couldn’t lift fiasco, it did happen, but it didn’t really have a solid resolution.

    The boys were about seventeen steps past tipsy and three steps away from wobbly drunk. Zeus, in the span between opening another bottle of wine and taking another drink, mentioned something to Pops about him finding a rock that Pops couldn’t lift. Pops, being a half bottle ahead of Zeus, took the challenge. Then, in drunken jest, Pops bent over to pick up a small pebble next to the poker table and started to proclaim, “Look, I already found o…” Yeah, he didn’t even finish his sentence.

    When Pops bent over to pick up the pebble all the blood rushed to his head and the old codger passed out. It became known by the gods as “The Night the Pebble conquered Eugene.” The pebble was in a museum for a while. I think Ra put it in there to rub it in. Eventually the pebble disappeared. If I had to guess, I’d say that Pops some how got a hold of the pebble and destroyed it. (And let me say, getting that pebble out of Ra’s museum was a pain in my ass.) See, gods and vanity, in some gods it’s as infinite as they are.

    ~Roy

  5. Michael

    McCain or Obama?

    Roy’s Reply
    Ok, the way I see it, when it comes to politics, I’m afraid that I have been asked repeated to stay out of it. The main reason for this is that no one wants my endorsement because of what main stream society thinks I represent. At the same time everyone wants me to support the other guy. Think about it, I’m sure the New York Times would love to have a flashing neon headline on the front page that reads, “SATAN SUPPORTS McCAIN!” Like wise, I think everyone at Fox News has nightly wet dreams that encompass the breaking story of me (the “Prince of Darkness”) giving my complete and total support to Obama.

    My endorsement is nothing but a negative marketing ploy to assist the other liars in their smear campaign.

    Sure this year is unprecedented in the reality that no matter who wins, it’s a national first, and that makes for good marketing. If McCain takes it, we have the first female VP. If Obama takes it, we have the first black president! But in either case, it’s nothing more than a marketing ploy, it has nothing to do with the caliber of the person you are voting for, but they sure want you to think it does.

    Politics, especially during election year is all about marketing and little to nothing else. The candidates are placed in a nice little package, and have slogans that are designed to sell them to the public. The opposing product (candidate) does their part to make them look better and the others look worse. Politics in America is a lot like watching a Pepsi or Coke ad on television that is designed to make the competition look worse, because, let’s face it, they can’t sell their product based on its own quality alone. Besides, you know damn good and well that you are not going to get what you pay for no matter who you choose. Political marketing has turned into the biggest deception campaign to ever happen, and every for years it gets bigger and worse.

    So…McCain…Obama? I think I’m voting for both, because let’s face it, anything is going to be better than what is currently America.

    ~I’m Roy and I approve this message.

  6. Steve

    Hey Roy, Did Jesus plant the dinosaur bones on Earth to test our faith?

    Roy’s Response
    Actually Steve, I do cover this in Chapter 1.1: The Creation – Intro. I mean Carl did help create the dinosaurs, but the idea that the bones were placed there to test peoples faith…that is all made up by man, Eugene, myself, or Carl had nothing to do with that concept.

    ~Roy

  7. GIR

    McCainObamaPepsiCoke commercial? It’s like mixing vanilla Coke with cherry Pepsi (okay, for you slow ones out there, Obama is the coke/pepsi, McCain, Biden is the Vanilla and Palin is the cherry. Yeah, I know, its lame, but accurate)!

    Boy, your political commentary sure is accurate. It’s like you’ve been around for thousands of years and you’ve seen it all, or something.

  8. Dear Roy,

    Okay, so my questions are: why in the hell was “Eve” made from the rib of “Adam.” Are you kidding me? How was it all really created? And in seven days? Isn’t it time for a reality check here? Let’s get honest about who really made the universes? Could a man really have done all that? 🙂

    Roy’s Response
    Actually, all of these questions are discussed in Chapter 2 of the book. I hope you will find the information useful. I would like to point out though that creation is not a sex based thing, meaning it has nothing to do with ones physical, emotional, or spiritual sex or orientation towards sex. Creation is something all can do, have done, will do, and are doing. Some of the greatest creations are because of the passion the creator has for what they are creating.

    There was a lot of passion for what we were creating when we made the Earth. People are invested in their home and the Earth was going to be home for all of us. There was a lot of attention to detail and because of that the Earth is one of the most beautiful planets in the whole universe, which is why so many aliens make this one of their key vacation spots every year.
    ~Roy

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